Sunday, November 6, 2011

Evolution: Part Deux

   Last time I promised an illustration and a more complete explanation of my theory. Need I remind anyone that this is explicit material, not for young or weak minds? G'on chilluns, skedaddle off to bed now, hear? Now that the young ones are safe, let me continue.

   Evolution. Creationism. Truth. These three things have never come together, until now. Men have not evolved from apes, because apes evolved from men! Don't believe me? See part one of this sermon then. Now, as I've said, God created man in his image, and woman then from man. Mutation is real, and accumulations thereof are the building blocks of evolution. What causes mutations? Radiation? Sexual reproduction. That sin, and all the others in our lives, each change genetic minutiae that eventually produce noticeable results in everything from disease to differentiation. Humans don't look the same anymore, nor do they look like neanderthals or apes. But the progression has actually been a regression, with humans at the beginning. From the perfect pureness of Adam, humanity has digressed along several paths to the flawed, failed, self-destructive variety of races we are today. I have, after many hours of dedicated scholastic labor, produced this chart to show the many varied relationships between different strands of humanity and some of our closer cousins. My sources were varied, and ranged from respected genetics scholar Michael Crichton to the writings of God himself (The Bible). I can assure you that all of these connections have been thoroughly researched by me, and that there were many more that I cut for too little solid proof (but I'm convinced Ryan Gosling is descended from Anton Chekhov!).

TLDR: Apes evolved from man. End of story.

1 comment:

  1. I would like to acknowledge a mistake in my chart. Noah is descended from Seth, not Abel. My apologies.

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