Brothers and sisters in Christ! You will not believe where I've been! I have travelled the heavens and the earth from the pits of hell to the gates of St. Paul. I have seen angels and demons and unicorns and even little toe-headed men who were almost certainly hobbits!
Brothers, sisters, I apologize for leaving you in the dark about my whereabouts and well-being. I know all of you have been concerned. It seems that my final post before this one came to the attention of the pharisees, who don't appreciate my personal and unique connection with God himself. Last summer my home at Underbridge was raided by local police at the behest of the Antichrist as part of his global secular conspiracy. I spent some time in jail under trumped up charges of vagrancy and petty theft before I was released due to limitations in penal capacity. Prison had left me physically weakened, and so I immediately went to my doctor for aid. He recommended outpatient self-medication, which I immediately implemented. But Satan is an evil foe. No sooner was I freed from those chains when I was scooped up by more of the Antichrist's thugs. What a dastardly mode to give hope to a man and then snuff it out! These men held me captive for forty days and forty nights, and it was here that I witnessed a captured unicorn butchered by horrible hobbits. Finally an angel of the Lord came and freed me from my chains. And, it was the same angel which had freed St. Peter from his chains so long ago! And thus did I escape to a life of wandering and flight.
But now, now I am free! Today he stepped down and made way for the true coming of Christ. He who has directed the conspiracy against me, the chief of the heretics, has finally been laid low and exposed as a fraud! The King of the World has finally been defeated and overthrown! The Kingdom of God is at hand!
If he really carried a divine mandate then the formula says he'll next be swallowed by a giant fish.
Brothers, sisters, I apologize for leaving you in the dark about my whereabouts and well-being. I know all of you have been concerned. It seems that my final post before this one came to the attention of the pharisees, who don't appreciate my personal and unique connection with God himself. Last summer my home at Underbridge was raided by local police at the behest of the Antichrist as part of his global secular conspiracy. I spent some time in jail under trumped up charges of vagrancy and petty theft before I was released due to limitations in penal capacity. Prison had left me physically weakened, and so I immediately went to my doctor for aid. He recommended outpatient self-medication, which I immediately implemented. But Satan is an evil foe. No sooner was I freed from those chains when I was scooped up by more of the Antichrist's thugs. What a dastardly mode to give hope to a man and then snuff it out! These men held me captive for forty days and forty nights, and it was here that I witnessed a captured unicorn butchered by horrible hobbits. Finally an angel of the Lord came and freed me from my chains. And, it was the same angel which had freed St. Peter from his chains so long ago! And thus did I escape to a life of wandering and flight.
But now, now I am free! Today he stepped down and made way for the true coming of Christ. He who has directed the conspiracy against me, the chief of the heretics, has finally been laid low and exposed as a fraud! The King of the World has finally been defeated and overthrown! The Kingdom of God is at hand!
If he really carried a divine mandate then the formula says he'll next be swallowed by a giant fish.
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